Week 4 - Contender or Pretender

The first three weeks of the regular season have proven especially tumultuous, with some preseason favorites struggling mightily and a few surprise teams emerging as forces to be reckoned with. Sometimes, however, a team's record can be a misleading barometer of their playoff chances, particularly this early in the season. Let's take a deeper dive on a few teams to unveil if they're contenders - or plain old pretenders.

Thing - PRETENDER

Sure, Thing is the only remaining undefeated team, and he rosters two legitimate fantasy superstars in Swift and Kelce. The harsh reality is that Swift may be out until Week 6, Thing's quarterback situation is concerningly shaky, and their points against currently sits at 299.40, the lowest in the league and nearly 200 points lower than Harrison's! To be fair, Thing's reputation as a consistent playoff contender should probably give him the benefit of the doubt, and a 3-0 record can't be taken lightly... but I don't care. There's absolutely no chance that Thing, with his current roster, will remain at the top of the standings come season's end.

Yung Yerma - CONTENDER

A disappointing Week 2 showing aside, Yung Yerma might be the championship favorite as we approach the quarter-mark of the regular season. Mahomes, Saquon, Cordarelle Patterson, Davante Adams, and Amari Cooper: now that's an absolutely stacked starting lineup. He should have no problem squashing Thing when it comes time to compete for the division crown.

whoisblockedbyjames9 - PRETENDER

Don't be fooled by this division-leading squad; a few big weaknesses will inevitably doom Newman down the stretch. He has a gaping hole at tight end, and two mediocre running backs in Antonio Gibson and Josh Jacobs that are due for some serious regression. Pittman is a bright spot and I have faith that Ekeler will eventually find his footing, but whoisblockedbyjames9 simply doesn't have enough firepower to overcome his weaker players.

SlothBucket - PRETENDER

Perhaps the biggest pretender of them all, SlothBucket insists that his team has great depth and is going to make a big splash in the postseason. It's time for Tyler to face the facts; if not for Stefon Diggs, he would be sad, winless, and with little to hope to finish the season at .500. SlothBucket has the worst quarterback room in the GDFFL, a trio of underwhelming starting running backs, and low-life TikTok receiver who can't produce average numbers even with Pat Mahomes throwing him the ball. I'd be surprised if this team got another win all season.

COLON Kaepernick - CONTENDER

Despite a surprising defeat last week to the incredibly lucky South Park Cows, Dave Scott's squad is championship-caliber, as long as injuries to Herbert, Connor, and Michael Thomas end up being short-term concerns. Simply put, COLON Kaepernick doesn't have a single weakness in his starting lineup, with Ja'Marr Chase anchoring a formidable cast of fantasy stars ripe for explosion on every Sunday. A matchup this week vs. the lowly Public Enemies will be a much-needed reminder that Dave remains the GDFFL's cream of the crop (it should be noted that Dave will crash and burn in the playoffs, as he does every year).

Week 3 Power Rankings

 Keeping it short and sweet this week with some quick one-sentence power rankings.

16. South Park Cows (-15)

The embarrassment of the league year-in and year-out, the South Park Cows lived up to their reputation and put up less than 150 points in two weeks of action...

15. Public Enemies (-4)

Once thought to be a fantasy heavyweight, Ryan teDuits has struggled mightily in his first two games as a member of the GDFFL, and things are bound to get worse as he juggles Marcus Mariota and Crab Legs Winston at the QB position.

14. BermDawgs (+1)

Despite some serious talent at receiver, Mainerd and Bermy are going to struggle all season with an incredibly top-heavy roster and limp-dick Trevor Lawrence starting in Dak's stead. 

13. Robinhoood the Anti-Larf (-10)

Huge preseason expectations for Harry Balls appear to have been unjustified, as his roster of big-name studs have all the flash but no filler...

12. Sport Ball (+4)

A blockbuster deal with Chris Larfley this week has surely upgraded his roster, but Sock Gavel's still below-average running back duo of Jeff Wilson and Eno Benjamin will continue to doom his playoff hopes.

11. whoisblockedbyjames9 (-6)

There's reason to believe that Newman can overcome his lackluster start, but uninspiring performances from Burrow and Ekeler are certainly cause for concern.

10. The Scott Squad (-8)

Another group with high expectations entering the season, Brian's receiving corps leaves A LOT to be desired and severely limits his weekly upside.

9. Chris Larfley (+5)

The aforementioned blockbuster trade brought Josh Allen to Larf's crew, creating a dynamic QB-WR pairing with J Jettas that will strike fear in opponents.

8. SlothBucket (+1)

Tyler's team is lucky to be sitting at 2-0 with some poopy players in his lineup (including Geno Smith at QB) but might be able to ride Stefon Diggs to a bunch of victories.

7. Keegs (-)

Probably the most surprising placement of these power rankings, Keegs sits at 0-2 but has a roster with huge upside and no identifiable weaknesses - and has yet to make any ill-advised trades.

6. Mother of Dogs (-2)

Two wins doesn't change the fact that Ed is starting not one, but TWO Chicago Bears this week, which is a huge red flag and an indication that his hot start will be coming to an end very soon.

5. Thing (+7)

At 2-0, Rump Thing is performing much better than expected but still has some glaring weaknesses at running back and flex that he'll need to patch up if he hopes to continue rolling.

4. Yung Yerma (+2)

Xerxes is rocking with a pretty scary lineup of Mahomes, Barkley, and Davante Adams, but the re-emergence of Amari Cooper as a legit WR1 put them in the conversation for championship contender status.

3. Shoe Leather Express (+1)

Don't get me wrong, I don't like the wishy-washy Simon Chandler even remotely, but his tandem of Chubb and Amon-Ra has looked borderline unstoppable.

2. COLON Kaepernick (+11)

Admittedly I'm tired of Dave Scott being excellent at fantasy every single season. He's like the anti-Evan.

1. Bigger Burss (+9)

It's looking like Ethan might not lose a game this season and is easily the front-runner for Rookie of the Year.

Week 1 Recap

Colon Kaepernick defeats The Scott Squad, 141.16 to 99.50

    In typical fashion, Dave Scott made a strong early season statement by defeating his own son Brian in a matchup that quickly became out of control once the 4 o'clock games were underway. Four 20-point outbursts from the likes of Justin Herbert, Clyde Edwards-Helaire, Michael Thomas, and Ja'Marr Chase propelled Colon Kaepernick into the 140 point territory and helped him claim the title of Week 1's highest scoring team. While Dave appears headed for another dominant regular season, Brian and the Scott Squad will need better performances from their receiving core if they wish to meet lofty preseason expectations.

Mother of Dogs defeats South Park Cows, 92.78 to 71.40

    After being ranked no.1 in the way-too-early preseason power rankings, South Park Cows proved once again that their manager Evan Cook is hilariously incompetent with a 70 point dud against the defending champ Mother of Dogs. You know you have a woeful roster when your highest scoring player is your defense. Jonathan Taylor and Kareem Hunt looked great this weekend and provided more than enough scoring output for Ed to come out with the victory. The rest of his roster, however, left a lot to be desired and will need to take things up a notch if they hope to defeat anyone but the scum of the league this season. 

whoisblockedbyjames9 defeats Public Enemies, 99.22 to 89.66

    Safe to say that Ryan teDuits' entrance into the league did not exactly go according to plan. Considered a "fantasy football connoisseur" by many, teDuits was left to rely on his kicker and defense for most of his scoring this weekend - tough look. Meanwhile, Newman's trio of Burrow, Pittman, and Gibson gave him a respectable, if not overly impressive, Week 1 victory. To his credit, teDuits appeared to be spot-on with his preseason love of Jaboo Winston, providing a little bit of optimism for the rest of the season.

Thing defeats Shoe Leather Express, 100.48 to 90.50

    The mighty Thing came out with a solid dub in a grudge match vs. cocky rookie Simon Chandler. Despite some consistent scoring output across the board for the SL Express, a lack of any true groundbreaking performances led to him coming up short vs. former league champion Rump. Rump Thing was able to offset miserable performances from both Cam Akers and Darnell Mooney with terrific efforts from Swift and Kelce, with decent supporting performances from Kirk Cousins and Succop.

SlothBucket defeats Sport Ball, 99.08 to 90.38

    Despite the final score, this was most certainly a moral victory for Sport Ball, who managed to put up 90 points with a starting running back tandem of Kenyan Drake and Ty Johnson, the latter of which scored zero points. Josh Allen will be an obvious bright spot for Sock Gavel all season long and might even be enough to help his team contend for a wild card spot. On the flip side, SlothBucket's roster showed real consistency and despite a lackluster game from A-Rob, is off to a promising start.

Yung Yerma defeats Robinhood the Anti-Larf, 140.80 to 97.90

    My oh my, did Yung Yerma put on a show this weekend. Contending closely with Dave for the highest scoring team of the week, Jeremy had three players with a scoring output above 25 points - not to mention his defense which put up a clutch 17. Mahomes, Barkley, and Adams will likely be offensive stalwarts all season and have Yung Yerma's team positioned strongly as championship favorites. Harry's squad put up a little bit of a fight but ugly performances from Stafford and Pitts crushed any reasonable hopes for victory.

Chris Larfley defeats Keegs, 90.16 to 88.72

    Regardless of victory, Big Burss has very little reason to feel good about the remainder of the season, as a 34 point explosion from Justin Jefferson was the sole reason he came out ahead against Keegs. A trip to the IR for Eli Mitchell and gloomy prospects for Kadarius Toney to see the field in coming weeks have Chris Larfley feeling extra nervous despite starting the season 1-0. An underwhelming showing from Keegs was certainly a disappointment, but players like Kamara and Deebo are bound to see their production spike as the season progresses.

Bigger Burss defeats BermDawgs, 122.82 to 101.74

    The surprise of the week has to be Ethan Cook going for the third highest scoring output in his GDFFL debut. Sure, Younghoe Koo and the Bills D will likely experience major regression next week, but the combination of Kyler Murray and Tyreek Hill should carry Bigger Burss throughout the regular season. BermDawgs actually put together a solid performance, proving that Cooper Kupp was a fine selection #2 overall. The loss of Dak to injury, however, is a major blow that could be tough to recover from.